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Tuesday, Sep. 2, 2014

Stupid Quotes -- Part 2

Posted Saturday, September 25, 2010, at 2:33 PM

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. Those who obtain high levels of stupidity often get into financial derivative futures contracts, multi-level marketing pyramid schemes, armed robbery or politics. Some stupid quotes below, followed by observations from me (BB).

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer

(BB -- Perhaps you should take the shortcut next time)

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." George W Bush, former U.S. President

(BB -- For the best results sneak up behind them)

"I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch." - Bill Clinton, former U.S. President

(BB -- Perhaps your emotions run a tad too deep on occasion)

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity." - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

(BB -- Most people in Texas, all hat and no cattle, are filled with humidity, especially during the summer)

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate." - Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

(BB -- If you take out the politicians, Washington actually has a low moron rate)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

(BB -- Lots of deaths in falling off of high cliffs too, but none of them serious)

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player

(BB -- If it's a girl, you will be the Maid of Honor)

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean, baseball player

(BB -- You should consider getting into politics)

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." - Radio broadcaster, UK

(BB -- Unless death comes earlier)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman, Golfer

(BB -- They must be so proud)

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer

(BB -- I get up at high noon regardless of what time it is, unless I sleep late)

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey, Pop Singer

(BB -- Flies and death and stuff can be very annoying, but being skinny makes it all worthwhile)

"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid." - Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer

(BB -- I'd say it's a toss-up)

"Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future." - Yogi Berra, Baseball player

(BB -- That's why you should only make predictions about the past)

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, actress

(BB -- I believe Buddha said that first)

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!" - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

(BB -- Let's not be too hasty on that)

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

(BB -- A gay marriage between a man and a woman works best if they have the same shoe size)

"Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion." - Madonna

(BB -- Ditto)

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Quote for the Day -- "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." John Wayne

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Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where eccentricity is an acceptable form of stupidity. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111

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Comments
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tooo funny!!!! thanks for sharing!

-- Posted by miicola on Thu, Jan 6, 2011, at 4:17 AM


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Bret Burquest
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Bret Burquest is a former award-winning columnist for The News (2001-2007) and author of four novels. He has lived in Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Miami, Atlanta, Kansas City, Memphis and the middle of the Arizona desert. After a life of blood, sweat and tears in big cities, he has finally found peace in northern Arkansas where he grows tomatoes, watches sunsets and occasionally shares the Secrets of the Universe (and beyond) with the rest of the world.
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