Dogs are the role model for living life. You can make a fool of yourself and your dog will make a fool of itself too, while laughing with its tail.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND MEN THROUGH THEIR DOGS is a book written by Wendy Diamond, informing women how to judge a man by the breed of dog he owns.
Since I have a keen insight into men and dogs, I can save you the price of the book. I have absolutely no insight into women but it seems irrelevant under the circumstances.
• Pointers, retrievers, setters and spaniels are field dogs bred for hunting.
• A man who owns a sporting dog is a lazy outdoorsman who needs a dog to do most of the work, like finding and retrieving game.
• He also wants a woman who will do most of the work, including stocking and retrieving beer.
• But he isn’t too keen on pointing, especially someone pointing at him.
• If you want to be a waitress, this is your guy.
• They're used in hunting too but have a different personality.
• They sniff out a trail and make lots of noise, called baying.
• When not hunting, hounds are very lazy and spend a lot of time napping.
• If you want a man who is primarily a couch potato, when he’s not out sniffing around and making lots of noise, a hound man is for you.
• This category includes boxers, pinchers and huskies, plus very large dogs such as Great Danes, Rotweilers and Mastiffs.
• Men who have large dogs, particularly pit bulls, are men who have difficulty coping with the world.
• They’re macho on the outside and frightened on the inside. Their dog is their protection.
• Dangerous paranoid men have dangerous paranoid dogs.
• If you seek danger and paranoia, join the military.
• This category includes Bichon Frises, Shar-peis, Lhasa Apsos, Schipperkes and Shiba Inus.
• These are pretentious dogs with pretentious names.
• A man who owns one of them is a pretentious man who probably thinks a slick necktie is hot and jazz is cool.
• He owns a trendy car, wears fashionable clothes, sniffs his brandy and checks for lint.
• Unless you’re a fashion model or a Capricorn, you won’t be pretentious enough for him.
• Feisty dogs, bred to kill vermin, this breed has little tolerance for other animals, including other dogs.
• A man who owns a terrier is a feisty man who has little tolerance for others, including his alter ego.
• If you have a psychological need to have a man snarling at you, find a man who has a terrier.
• Members of this category are miniature versions of the real things.
• Men with toy dogs are miniature versions of real men, unless they live in an apartment and there’s no room for a bigger dog.
• They usually have limp wrists and a flair for decorating a room.
• If you want someone to do your hair or nails, find a toy dog man. Otherwise move on.
• This group is made up of shepherds, collies and other breeds that control the movement of animals, primarily cattle or sheep.
• They are highly intelligent, easy to maintain and have a natural instinct to nibble at the heels of whatever they are herding.
• My previous dog was a female Australian Cattle Dog, also known as a Queensland Blue Heeler. They're magnificent creatures, much like their owners. Just make sure to keep them from nibbling at your heels.
• A mutt is a dog of mixed breed and low status.
• It’s more carefree than purebreds because it doesn’t have to live up to some meaningless standard.
• Mutt men don’t live up to meaningless standards either.
• My current dog is a mutt. As best as anyone can tell, he's part spaniel, part terrier and part goofball.
• I'm part Swedish, part German, part English and part rebel.
• He's very good at frolicking with skunks and I'm very good at avoiding the rest of the world.
• If you want a carefree man of questionable status, find a mutt man.
• Be sure to check for fleas.
A man without a dog has no soul. If a man has nothing to give a dog, he has nothing to give a woman.
A man with more than two dogs has too much responsibility. If a man pays too much attention to his dogs he has no time for a woman.
Either way, you’ll be ignored.
Owning a cat is like owning a fuzzy rock that changes position once in a while. A man who owns a cat prefers indifference to companionship. If you want to be treated like a fuzzy rock, find a cat man.
Certain dog men make good companions. If you scratch their bellies, they’ll aim to please.
Quote for the Day – "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." Andy Rooney
Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a couple dogs and an imaginary girlfriend named Trixie "Boom-Boom" O'Toole.