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Riding in on Genius

Posted Monday, October 10, 2011, at 5:06 PM

Genius is a many splendored thing. It is why we are no longer living in caves or yodeling and swinging on vines to travel from one place to another in a hurry. It is why we have cars and car horns. Genius is what got us light bulbs, umbrellas and galoshes; it's what got us laptops and those little Styrofoam balls they use for packing. It's what's got us bus passes and trains and trucks and cars, and it's what got us police bait cars that are parked in plain view with lots of goodies that criminals love.

Two especially geniuses from somewhere in LA, got into a car they didn't know was being used as bait. A detective, dressed in baggy pants and dark sunglasses, had just wiped off his fingerprints away before getting into another car and speeding away.

Genius Extraordinaire, 23 year-old Edwin A. Hernandez, saw the man in the baggy pants and dark sunglasses leave a perfectly wonderful and beautiful abandoned Toyota Camry. He sauntered on by and eyeballed the contents of the car. It was a car thief's paradise. A carton of cigarettes. Check. A laptop in the front seat. (Double check) A key in the ignition? (What the #$$%^, man?!!!)

So he heeded the call of the wild and encouraged his buddy and other career criminal, 24 year-old Victor A. Vasquez, to join him. Vasquez, however, may have been one notch above (or is it below?) in the career criminal chain and "had a bad feeling about it." Ignoring those gut instincts that counselors always advise their clients to act upon, Vasquez hopped in and the two drove off.

When the doors locked and the car stopped moving a few blocks away, they realized that their derrieres were parked not in a normal car but in a baited car. It rolled to a stop an elementary school where the two had probably spent about as much time in their youth as a skinhead at an Israel Bond's dinner. Vasquez's son attends the school, but he wasn't outside, so he didn't witness his father's special brand of genius again as the police arrested him for grand theft auto and drug possession because they found two methamphetamine pipes in the car.

"My mind wasn't on no robbing or nothing," claimed Vasquez after his arrest.

In that case, I'd suggest that he enroll in some jailhouse GED classes to work on that grammar.

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I'm Not Crazy -- It's Them
Gail-Tzipporah Saunders
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Behold, I, like many others before me, come forth with a new blog. Mine, however, starts off with posts about the joys and wonders of pepper spray then branches out to other maladies as well.
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