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Friday, Dec. 26, 2014

Letting the Bull Run By

Posted Wednesday, February 1, 2012, at 9:20 AM

Another avoid at all costs category has surfaced. By that, I don't mean life's embarrassing foibles like exiting a bathroom stall with a seatcover tucked into your pants like a classmate did before I motioned to her, or pouring dog conditioner on your head because yours is nowhere in sight. Those are tame by comparison. I mean violating Commandment number ten, coveting your neighbor's house and anything that's in it.

Of course I know what people can do. I've watched daytime TV. I'm on the Internet, but I was shocked to know someone talking about it.

She ran down the usual litany of excuses, and I through my litany of answers.

"He's not getting it at home," she said.

"But that doesn't mean that you're responsible for supplying it," I said.

I wondered whether that meant that she would then give him her kidney if his malfunctioned as well, but it wouldn't have been mannerly to ask.

"Besides," she said, "I'm not the one committing adultery because I'm not married. He is."

That's a novel take because it take three to fill the formula in this case, the one doing the deed, the recipient, and the one not getting either.

After a few rounds of this I felt like ejecting her through the car window, but I didn't want to violate Commandment number six and wind up in jail, so my former coworkers could look at my picture in the paper and could say, "I always knew she'd do go off the deep end and do something weird one day."

Instead, I came up with a list of reasons why she should stop violating Commandment number ten.

1.It's seamy

2.It's rude

3.The truth always rears its ugly old head anyway

4.You could get a jilted spouse with a sawed-off shot gun

5.He's probably giving other women the same line

6.And Commandment number ten, about coveting your neighbor's possessions

7.Karma can be a bear

8.You could get herpes, AIDS or something else

9.Women with significant others seldom want to be friends with a husband/boyfriend snatch

10.Do you really want to celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan or Thanksgiving alone?

So, like those nuts running from the bulls running in Pamplona, Spain each year, avoid this little sand trap at all costs.



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I'm Not Crazy -- It's Them
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Behold, I, like many others before me, come forth with a new blog. Mine, however, starts off with posts about the joys and wonders of pepper spray then branches out to other maladies as well.
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