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Sunday, Apr. 30, 2017


Posted Monday, February 6, 2012, at 11:19 PM

One thing I have learned after all these years of yoga and clean living is that my plans will eventually go to seed. It may take a minute, a second, a week or even an hour, but it will eventually happen.

The latest was after my planned escape from Los Angeles back to Chicago and a journey twenty years in the making. That's why I was probably one of the few people living out there, aside from those who trek to Big Bear or Vail every year, with a collection of winter boots, coats hats and scarves.

As a final preparation for the trek out, I separated the clothes into piles, donated some then separated the piles again into "to be moved by car" and "by the movers." I thought myself so clever.

Things began to fall apart after the movers said they didn't realize what a job this would be and pulled away in the loaded can.

The night before my drive out, I went to pack more things into the already overstuffed trunk of my car. At 11:00 p.m., I ran into Glen, the ever loving and helpful security guard and asked him if I could park in guest parking because it is closer to the elevator. He agreed. Stuffed everything in and narrowly closed the trunk. Went back upstairs to sleep but thought about getting everything into the car.

12:40 a.m. Didn't want any surprises on driving day so went back downstairs to pack more things. Glen said that he doesn't think I can fit more things into my car and see out the window. We google Fedex.

1: 05, a.m. Call and ask about sending a box with curtains weighing under thirty pounds. Clerk says that sounds fine.

1:20 a.m. Arrive with eight black trash bags and the curtains. Clerk looks up and ignores me.

1:21 a.m. Clerk asks me if I expect them to pack them.

2:00 a.m. Pack the last of the boxes and fill out the forms.

2:25 a.m. Learn that the clerk is an actor/ writer/ lawyer/ former restaurateur with two grown children and is an all-around interesting guy.

2:30 a.m. Wise guy customer shows and wants to know if my slip-ons came several to a package and can be rolled up. Inform him that they regulation velvet from Old Nacy and cannot be rolled up.

2:31 a.m. Note customer's slip on canvas shoes yet inform him that I have unworn stilettos in the box. Says he would take me out dancing in the stilettos but not the flats if I weren't leaving the next day.

2:40 a.m. Leave the store and head to a Von's grocery store to see if my blog appeared. Vons is closed.

2:15 a.m. Return to building and Glen drives his van over the sensor to let me in because I left my garage door opener upstairs.

2:20 a.m. Glen helps me load my car while a board member, Mark, and I wolf down vegan cookies. Glen doesn't eat any.

2:45 a.m. Thank the security guard profusely and ask him where he shops so I can buy him a gift certificate. He says to forget about it because he helps everyone, bless him.

3:00 a.m. Go to sleep after watching an "All in the Family" episode where Gloria cooks horsemeat and Edith's interest in Catholicism. Very interesting episode.

7:15 a.m. Eyes pop open because intend to leave @ 8:00.

8:00 a.m. Run into neighbor while walking dogs. Change time to 9:00 a.m.

9:20 a.m. Text Glen a thank you, do yoga and change time to 10:30.

10:00 a.m. Run into another neighbor while packing car again and decide to go back to Fedex. We talk about health and say goodbye.

10:15 a.m. Run into another neighbor who talks about her film project. Change time to 11:00.

11:20. Arrive at Fedex, ship more boxes and change time to 12:00.

11:30, a.m. In shopping center to eat and return some things.

12:30, p.m. Exit shopping center after mini shopping spree for trip and a trip to Subway where a family can't decide between meat and veggies. Choose veggies and sit down three minutes later. I am in a hurry.

12:45. Return home and panic after looking at the clock. Do a final check of soon-to-be formal abode and stuff more things into trunk of car.

1:15 p.m. Get into car but realize can't program GPS with address of hotel in Arizona. Call hotel and ask clerk if she knows how to program a GPS. She doesn't own one so I ask for directions. She doesn't know and I ask her if that isn't her job to know these things. She says it is not her job so I think about changing hotels to one with people who can give directions.

1:30 p.m. Accidentally stumble onto GPS answer and leave with Arizona arrival time of 10:00 p.m.

4:30 p.m. With only four hours of sleep, settle in Best Western in Barstow, CA walk and water dogs and go to I-Hop for dinner happy to avoid any disaster.

And the moral of today's lesson is pack lightly, appreciate security guards and neighbors and don't leave Fedex and shipping for the last minute. Thank you, amen and over and out.

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I'm Not Crazy -- It's Them
Gail-Tzipporah Saunders
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Behold, I, like many others before me, come forth with a new blog. Mine, however, starts off with posts about the joys and wonders of pepper spray then branches out to other maladies as well.
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