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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

From my Front Porch

Wednesday, April 17, 2002

For some of us, losing things is just a way of life

I am incredibly gifted at losing things, except for weight, that is. I have lost books and keys, billfolds and purses, and even the occasional child.

Wal-Mart has had to put out an APB for a Madden kid on more than one occasion, and then there is the Madden kid who has put out an APB for mom.

We were standing together in the ladies apparel section right next to the dressing rooms when suddenly I heard, "Barbara Madden, your son Timothy is at the service desk located in women's apparel. Barbara Madden,"

I took the 10 steps to the counter and there stood the little 3 year old imp grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, mommy," he said sweetly. "There you are. I was so afraid."

Yeah, right.

Then there are the untold hairbrushes and combs, sunglasses and hats, and of all things, jewelry. This past birthday my husband gave me two pair of earrings. I carefully placed both pair in the same box in order to save space in my jewelry drawer. The next day I decided to wear a pair, but when I opened the box it was empty. I had discarded the wrong container and no amount of digging through that week's trash revealed my lost treasure. This is why I own more zirconium than the real deal.

In my possession are several lonely shoe mates that go well with the lonely sock mates. I have theorized that somewhere, somehow, there is a special place where all my "other" socks and shoes have gone to hide. Maybe they are together somewhere having a good ol' time celebrating their retirement by kicking up their heels.

I have lost my watch several times. Once I couldn't find it for more than a year. I even called the insurance folks only to find out that we didn't have the proper rider on our policy to cover it. So I thought I was not only out my watch, but the money as well. Then we moved clear across the state. Most of our stuff was in a rental van, but the rest of it had to be loaded up in a gooseneck trailer.

After settling into our new home, I was vacuuming our bedroom when I moved a recliner to clean beneath it and out fell my watch. I couldn't believe it, but the chair that had ridden across the state in the back of a gooseneck trailer weeks before had finally returned my long lost watch.

On the other hand, losing a cordless phone isn't such a big deal. All you have to do is hit the little beeper button and if the batteries aren't too low you're in good shape. It was during a cell phone hunt the other day that my so-called creative side kicked in and I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if you could have beeper buttons on everything you tended to lose?"

Can't find your keys? Hit the button. Can't find your glasses? Hit the button. Can't find that book you've been reading? Hit the button.

Because I have been known to lose myself on occasion, I consider AAA and the cell phone two of mankind's greatest inventions. I dare not travel alone without not only a map of the state I think I am in, but of area states, as well.

That is about the best I can be expected to do until that day technology allows me to not only call home to inform my husband that I am once again lost somewhere between here and there, but to request that he please hit the button.