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Thursday, May 5, 2016

Boldly Going Nowhere

Thursday, October 17, 2002

New Words

The average person speaks 31,500 words per day. Since I only utter about 47 words per day, mostly to my dog, I once again find myself at the far, lonely end of the Bell Curve.

The main problem with the English language is that it was invented by the English, a race of island-bound twits whose major contributions to the human race are cricket and Monty Python's Flying Circus.

To ensure the human race has plenty to say, the Oxford English Dictionary folks recently added 3,500 new words to their dictionary, last updated in 1993. Politics and current affairs are monitored closely for new words, as are contemporary subject areas such as technology, food, films and television.

Some of the new words originating in Great Britain due to NEW LABOUR'S election victory are OLD LABOUR, NEW LABOUR, CLAUSE FOUR, BLAIRISM and BLAIRITE. British initiatives such as LITERACY HOUR, STAKEHOLDER PENSIONS and BACK TO BASICS were also added, along with topical words and phrases like ASYLUM SEEKER, ASYMMETRICAL, WARFARE, BED-BLOCKING, BENEFIT TOURIST, ECONOMIC MIGRANT, IDENTITY POLITICS, JUST WAR, NAME AND SHAME, SPIN CONTROL and SPINMEISTER. Slang terms include ANORAKY, BLING-BLING, EARLY DOORS, GOALHANGER, GO COMMANDO, GET REAL, SHEDLOAD and WEDGIE.

Slang terms from the USA are ASS-BACKWARDS, BADASS, BOGART, ECONOBOX, GOOF-PROOF, LOOSEY-GOOSEY, LOSINGEST and STICKER SHOCK. Other U.S.A. inputs include THE FORCE, JEDI, KLINGONS, GRINCHES, GEARHEADS, CARJACKING, CONTROL FREAKS, DVDs, LINE DANCING, LAP DANCING, PASHMINAS, ROAD RAGE, SHOCK JOCKS, SPEED CAMERAS, SUPERMODELS, BUNNY-HUGGERS and BUNNY-BOILERS. A BUNNY-HUGGER is defined as a conservationist or animal lover, while a bunny-boiler is a vindictive woman, as portrayed by Glenn Close in the movie "Fatal Attraction."

A close examination of the new dictionary reveals that they missed a few new words, including:

WEED-EATER -- A vegetarian on a tight budget who lives near a deep ditch.

INOCULATTE -- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

INTAXICATION -- Excitement at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money in the first place.

BLAMESTORMING -- A group discussion attempting to find an excuse for missing a deadline and finding someone to blame.

KARMAGEDDON -- When the human race reaps what it sows.

HIPATITIS -- An inflammation of coolness.

GIRAFFITI -- Vandalism spray-painted in very high places.

GLIBIDO -- All talk and no action.

TEXAS BOASTER -- All hat and no cattle.

OHNOSECOND -- The miniscule fraction of time when you realize you just made a colossal, non-reversal mistake.

DOPELER EFFECT -- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly and quickly disappear into the background.

YONG -- A state of confusion when your yin and yang are out of balance.

REINTARNATION -- Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

FOREPLOY -- A misrepresentation of oneself for the purpose of an intimate interlude.

SARCHASM -- The gap between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.