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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Boldly Going Nowhere

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Philosophy of a bad American

Philosophy is the pursuit of wisdom by a means of speculation and beliefs, rather than physical scientific examination. It is also fairly boring in that it usually doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. Plus there's not a lot of money in it so it tends to remain in the academic vacuum of universities and with intellectual elitists who are unable to survive in the real world.

Philosophy as described by Immanuel Kant in Critique of Pure Reason -- "Human reason has this peculiar fate that in one species of its knowledge it is burdened by questions which, as prescribed by the very nature of reason itself, it is not able to ignore, but which, as transcending all its powers, it is also not able to answer."

This is probably a fancy way of saying that we have more questions than answers. Other philosophers had a knack for getting right to the point in very few words.

Plato -- "Philosophy begins in wonder."

Socrates -- "The unexamined life is not worth living."

Aristotle -- "All men by nature desire to know."

Descartes -- "I think, therefore I am."

Machiavelli -- "One change leaves the way open for the introduction of others."

Heraclitus -- "Everything is in flux."

So tell us something we don't know. Unfortunately all these philosophers have long since moved on to the next dimension, but there is one man alive today who has stumbled upon the truth and has enough guts to say it out loud. Known primarily for his comedy, George Carlin is a philosopher for our troubled times. He once said that if you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

A dozen George Carlin observations, primarily from his comedy routine titled "YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN," are listed below for your philosophical pleasure:

1) I believe the money I make belongs to me, not some mid-level government functionary, be it Democrat or Republican.

2) I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

3) I want to know which church it is exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.

4) I think if you're too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

5) I believe owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

6) I think the cops have the right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your sorry butt over if you're breaking the law.

7) I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

8) I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it takes two parents.

9) I don't hate the rich and I don't pity the poor.

10) I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

11) I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

12) I've never owned a slave, nor was a slave. I didn't wander 40 years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you. So shut up already.