We continue to venture into the undiscovered frontier of the opposite sex -- attempting to answer the little questions that puzzle us may result in fantastic advancements. For your indulgence we offer you the answers!
This week's question comes from a man in Viola Ark. For confidentiality purposes we will call him Vicious in Viola.
"My girlfriend can be so dumb sometimes! Whenever we go out we can never be on time, and it is usually because she is still in the bathroom getting ready! Why do women spend so much time in the bathroom?"
A.M. -- Well, Vicious in Viola, I don't think the problem is one of intelligence -- at least not on her end. You are encountering a condition I call Lowselfesteemia. Count all of the times in a day that you look in a mirror. What are you thinking as you look at yourself? You think, "Wow! That is one good-looking man!" Am I right? Now, I want you to triple the number of times you look at yourself in the mirror. That is the approximate number she looks in the mirror, but instead of thinking, "Wow! That is one hot lady!" she thinks, "I look awful." After some time, that repetitive thinking starts to sink in and soon women start to believe it. Why? Probably because the time men don't spend eating, sleeping, or looking at themselves in the mirror, is spent talking about celebrity women (like Delta Burke), with nearly unobtainable looks. That is the standard women feel they need to meet, and they will spend hours attempting to do such, not for themselves, but for us.
A.W. -- Vicious -- Women spend so much time in the bathroom because it is the only room in the house they can go and not be bothered! We just let you think we are getting ready, when in all honesty it takes only a few minutes to reach the level of natural beauty we show to the world. The rest of the time we are either taking a nap or reading a book. But, as far as the late part ... women are not late for anything -- ever. It's just that sometimes it takes us longer to get everything done that we have to do. Why? Because women have had to assume a lot of the responsibilities that men don't want to be bothered with. If "chores" were shared on an equal bases, men and women would be ready to go at the same time. So, my advice to you is to get off your rear and help your lady with all those time-consuming chores. And one other bit of advice ... if her lateness irritates you now -- DON'T marry her -- it will only get worse after you are married!
Well, that is the question for today. We feel we have made tremendous strides on our venture into the unknown frontier of the opposite sex.
If you have your own questions concerning the opposite sex, or any other uncertain areas of this mystifying world, please send them to: Areawide Media, Attn: Answer Man, Answer Woman, P.O. Box 248, Salem, AR 72512. Or e-mail them to: firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also go online to: www.areawidenews.com, click on Viewpoint. Your question can be entered at the end of the column in the comments box. Confidentiality is a given!