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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Boldly Going Nowhere

Thursday, August 8, 2002

Current News Nonsense

While attending flight school last year, Zacarias Moussaoui sought instruction on how to steer an airplane but had no interest in taking off or landing the thing. This led to his detainment by authorities, causing him to miss a plane flight on September 11, 2001, where he was to be the 20th terrorist on that fateful day.

Moussaoui was subsequently indicted by a federal grand jury on six counts of conspiracy, including intent to murder and intent to use weapons of mass destruction. Four of the counts are punishable by death. At first, Moussaoui refused to make a plea. Later he pleaded guilty, stating he wanted to avoid the death penalty because his religion specifically forbids suicide. The judge refused to accept the plea.

QUESTIONS -- If Moussaoui's religion strictly forbids suicide, why hijack an airplane to kill lots of people, including himself? And if his objective is to kill as many infidels as possible before expiring in the effort, thereby being rewarded with eternity in heaven in the company of 70 virgins, why be concerned with his own mortality?

ANSWERS -- Perhaps Moussaoui and his associates aren't honorable soldiers in a grand crusade after all. Perhaps they're just a bunch of crazy jerks. * * *

Recently, a New York City lawyer has filed suit against McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation. Apparently, he has a client with a fondness for fast foods who has become obese with the resulting high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

QUESTION -- What do you have when you bury a bunch of lawyers up to their necks in sand? ANSWER -- Not enough sand. * * *

On July 26, 2002, CNN News reported that several witnesses in the Washington DC area saw bright orange and blue lights in the sky. The news announcer went on to say that two F-16s were scrambled out of nearby Andrews Air Force but the unidentified objects disappeared before the planes could intercept them and mysteriously vanished from radar. Then the announcer added, with a smirk on his face, that there were no sightings of little green men.

QUESTION -- Is it possible for intelligent life to exist elsewhere in the universe?

ANSWER -- If you divide all the known stars (suns) in the known universe equally among all the human beings living on Earth, there would be three trillion stars per person. And if only one in a million of these potential solar systems had just one planet with intelligent life, similar to our solar system, there would be approximately 20,000,000,000,000,000 planets with intelligent life in our universe. If there is no intelligent life elsewhere, an awful lot of planetary bodies are going to waste. He who smirks at the unknown is a fool. * * *

President George Bush recently had a private screening of the new movie Goldmember and claimed it was one of the best movies he had ever seen. During a TV interview with Barbara Walters during his presidency, Bill Clinton stated that Naked Gun was his all-time favorite movie. Both of these films were made to target junior high school boys who are easily amused by buxom babes and bathroom humor.

QUESTION -- Why do we keep electing these immature man-boys to be our leader?

ANSWER -- Because immature people need leaders and tend to elect one of their own.