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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Boss-B-Gone

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Boss-B-Gone

Hey you! Yeah you, the one reading the newspaper when you should be working. Has the boss been too hard on you lately? Been blaming you for things that weren't your fault? Maybe gave you that extra work because they are too lazy to do it themselves? You know, it sure would be nice if they appreciated you every once in a while! You slave away at your job day-in and day-out, and for what? A pay check? A pay check that's a little light for the work you have been doing! Well, guess what -- Now your problems are over with Boss-B-Gone! A new, inventive way to handle that measly boss once and for all and it is as simple as one easy step -- Quit! "But how will I live?" you ask. That's the thing, you won't, but at least you will have the freedom you have always wanted.

Excuse me while I take my place upon my soap box to stand up for all of the bosses out there. You think you hate your boss, well guess what, they don't like you either. Oh, and they have good reason. In fact, here are my top 10 reasons your boss hates you.

Number 10. COMING IN LATE. Has it ever occurred to you to actually make it to work on time? Sure, you have other things to do, but by taking that job, you have agreed to make it a priority for the times you are scheduled to work.

Number 9. WATER COOLER TALK. Some of us can't help but gossip, but if you were paying the mechanic an hourly rate to work on your vehicle, and instead of working, he was chatting about how fat Leon looks in his jumpsuit, then you would be mad too.

Number 8. FAILURE TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. How many times do they have to tell you? The TPS reports go face down in the fax machine!

Number 7. THE JUDAS SYNDROME. You have no loyalty at all! In-fact, you would leave, to go work for another boss, you are going to hate, for 10 cents an hour more! You sold out your boss for $4 a week!

Number 6. THE FAKE FRIEND. Bosses can see right through your fake friend act. They know you are just trying to buddy up so you can get out of more work.

Number 5. BABY-SITTING. What is it about adults that make them digress to the age of three when they get to work? Is it really the job of the boss to baby-sit? I think not!

Number 4. ENTITLEMENT. What makes you think you deserve everything? Your boss has other employees they have to deal with, and those employees all think they are entitled to that office with a view, just like you.

Number 3. LYING. Look, you lost the paper work -- it's OK. Don't lie and say you gave it to the UPS man to make yourself look better; your boss is going to check, and that poor UPS man (that hates his boss) is going to get fired (because his boss hates him too) and all because you lied.

Number 2. INITIATIVE? You have none. Whatever happened to having a little pride in your work and the company you work for? You think that because the copier is out of toner that you don't have to work anymore. WRONG! Take the initiative and change the toner.

And the Number 1 thing your boss hates about you is -- (drum roll please)

Number 1. YOU WANT THEIR JOB! To be honest, if you were trying to take my job, I would be mean to you as well. Do you expect your boss to help you right up the ladder into their position so they can be kicked to the street because you probably lied about coming in late because you didn't take the initiative to follow directions which is a result of entitlement formed from this fake friendship to which you turn and act like Judas and tell your buddies about at the water cooler right before the boss comes out and tells you to get back to work because they are tired of baby-sitting you!

So, next time you think you hate your boss; you might stop to ponder what they think of you. Maybe then your life at work will get a lot more pleasant.

And if all else fails remember, you can have the easy to use kit of Boss-B-Gone delivered to your house for only seven easy installments of $19.95. And if you call within the next 15 minutes you will also receive Spouse-B-Gone! Not to be used with drugs or alcoholic beverages. Void were prohibited, not available in Hawaii or the Virgin Islands.

Joel Harris is a law student at Tulsa. He can be contacted at newsopinion@yahoo.com.Number 4. ENTITLEMENT. What makes you think you deserve everything? Your boss has other employees they have to deal with and those employees all think they are entitled to that office with a view, just like you.