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Saturday, Apr. 30, 2016

Boldly Going Nowhere

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Column 100

Chris Webber, All-Star power forward for the NBA Sacramento Kings, recently made headlines when he testified before a grand jury about whether or not he and some of his basketball teammates, known as the "Fab Five," had received money from a local businessman and team booster. According to the indictment, Webber received about $280,000 from 1988, when he was a freshman in high school, through his sophomore year of 1993 at the University of Michigan.

At a press conference, the 29-year-old Webber, in the second year of a $123 million guaranteed contract with the Kings, commented, "Look how many millions the school made off of us, and what did we get out of it?"

NOTE TO CHRIS WEBBER:

1) All major college institutions use the income from football and basketball to fund all other sports activities. Even so, most of the college athletic departments remain grossly under-funded.

2) You received a full scholarship at a top university. In addition to your free education, you were instructed by superb coaches, nourished by nutrition specialists, trained by conditioning experts and given quality medical attention. All that was expected of you in return was to represent the school on the basketball court.

3) In spite of a free education, you decided to become a professional basketball player and left the school after your sophomore year, maximizing your finances and turning your back on the school that nurtured you.

4) You are now making a nine-figure salary for tossing balls through hoops. The next time you pull a dollar bill out of your pocket, you should get on your hands and knees, kiss the ground, and give thanks to the University of Michigan for everything you have. Then you might become a man instead of a whining ingrate.

* * * Last week, a teen-ager in Iran was sentenced to death by hanging for drinking too much alcohol. A few months ago in Nigeria, a young woman was sentenced to be stoned to death for having a child out of wedlock. A few months earlier, an Islamic court in Nairobi sentenced a 21-year-old woman and a 19-year-old woman, considered to be lesbians, to be stoned to death for "unnatural behavior."

NOTE TO THIRD WORLD GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL IDIOTS: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

* * * On the lighter side of life, chuckles are good for the glands.

1) Nobody is perfect and I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.

2) Everyone has a photographic memory -- some just don't have any film.

3) If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

4) The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75 percent of the world's population.

5) On the other hand, you have different fingers.

6) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it -- so I said, "Implants?"

* * * This is now my one-hundredth column for The News and I'm still boldly going nowhere. Some readers enjoy my humor, while others are offended by it. Some are moved by my serious pieces, while most couldn't care less. I don't know if I have another 100 columns in me, but as long as I'm spreading joy and irritation I'll keep at it.

The world is full of ignorance, intolerance and injustice. To ignore it is to condone it.

The world is full of kindness, wonderment and joy. To ignore it is to fall from grace.

Life is a struggle between good and evil where every deed produces a chain of consequences.

The only thing you can control is the substance of your own character.