Ozarka College is a public institution committed to excellence in education, training and service. Its motto is "A Short Drive to Great Distances." That's probably a fancy way of saying, "If you want to get someplace in life, you need to learn a few things first to get the ball rolling."
The main campus is located in Melbourne, with satellite facilities in Mountain View and Ash Flat. Ozarka offers a two-year associate of arts degree and a college transfer program to statewide four-year institutions.
Some of the programs include:
*Automotive Service Technology
*Criminal Justice Leadership
*Health Information Management
*Information Management Technology
*Physical Therapist Assistant
Open registration for fall semester starts Aug. 11 and continues through Aug. 15. For information visit the Web site at www.ozarka.edu or phone 870-368-7371 (800-821-4335). Classes start the following Monday, Aug. 18, but you can still register during the first week of class.
I've been an adjunct instructor at Ozarka since the fall of 2001. I prefer to teach night school, especially during a full moon when my body turns hairy and I have wild mood swings. I'll be teaching the following classes during fall semester this year.
*Introduction to Computers -- 6-9 p.m. Mondays at Ash Flat
* Introduction to Computers -- 6-9 p.m. Tuesdays at Melbourne
*Computer Information Systems -- 6-9 p.m. Wednesdays at Ash Flat
While I don't mingle with the full-time faculty, mainly to maintain my own sanity, here are a few tidbits I've picked up from the rumor mill in the back room where they keep the photocopy machine.
* Reaching great distances in a short drive implies lots of walking after the car breaks down.
* Ozarka is Akrazo spelled backward.
* Business technology instructors assign grades randomly to avoid the pesky task of correcting tests.
* Sometimes practical nursing students aren't very practical.
* Students caught cheating are severely reprimanded for incorrect answers thereby encouraging them to learn the correct answers before cheating.
* A prerequisite for beginning math is 10 fingers and 10 toes.
* The football team is undefeated.
* * *
I recently received a first-place award for the best humor column of 2002 in a medium-sized weekly newspaper in Arkansas. There were 23 entries in my category. Believe it or not, I didn't even have to bribe or threaten anyone, although I did consider it a couple of times.
I'd like to thank the Arkansas Press Association for their infinite wisdom and sound judgment. Now all I have to do is come up with some more gibberish for next week's column.