Boldly Going Nowhere

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Blunders and Bovines

Dr. Howard Dean, the present front-runner in the Democratic Party for the 2004 presidential election, claims we are no safer today than we were prior to our incursion into Iraq and the subsequent capture of Saddam Hussein. He doesn't believe we should have gone into Iraq and that it only made matters worse.

In the last couple of months, Iran and North Korea (the other two members of the so-called Axis of Evil) have changed their nuclear policy from expansion (and possible weapon buildup) to one of compliance with global concerns. Within 24 hours of U.S. troops pulling Saddam Hussein out of his rat hole, Libyan leader Moammar Kadafi announced that his country was going to dismantle its weapons of mass destruction.

Our sacrifice did indeed make a difference -- a world of difference.

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After 14 years of denying he ever bet on baseball, Pete Rose announced last week (in his autobiography) that he did bet on baseball, four or five times weekly, even on his own team when he was manager, but never on his own team to lose. In an attempt to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame, he chose dishonesty over integrity.

Lying is the cowardly way out of an embarrassing situation and causes even more embarrassment when the truth finally comes out. Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton both lied to the American people rather than admit doing wrong. It cost one of them the presidency and caused the other to be impeached. Once a person is caught in a lie they can never be trusted again. A person is either 100 percent honest or dishonest -- there is no in-between.

We have come to expect politicians to lie. But professional athletes, grown men who get paid gobs of money to play a child's game involving some sort of ball, are supposed to be proud to wear a uniform representing a city and be a role model for children and men who drink beer. Pete Rose belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame for his accomplishments on the field. He also belongs in the Liars Hall of Fame for not being man enough to admit he broke the rules of the game, as well as the Bad Haircut Hall of Fame for obvious reasons.

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Last Saturday, pop singer Britney Spears married Jason Allen Alexander at 5:30 a.m. in Las Vegas. Both are 22 years old, from the same small hometown in Louisiana, and apparently have had a cozy relationship since high school. The blushing bride wore a baseball cap and torn jeans to the ceremony and was escorted by the limousine driver who had delivered the couple to the 24-hour wedding chapel.

At 10 a.m. Monday, attorneys representing Spears filed an annulment in court, citing a lack of compatibility. Gosh, what a surprise. Love is blind but marriage will open your eyes. It lasted all of 55 hours. Apparently they were a fastidious couple -- she was fast and he was tedious.

Anyone who actually gives a hoot about the shenanigans of these two bubble-heads should have their brains removed and pickled.

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A farmer in Fulton County bought a cow from a dairy farm up in Missouri. The cow produced lots of quality milk so the farmer bought a bull to mate with the cow, hoping to start a small milk-producing herd. However, things didn't work out too well. Whenever the bull approached the cow, the cow moved away. The farmer was upset and didn't know what to do, whereupon he contacted his veterinarian and explained the problem.

"By any chance did you buy the cow in Missouri?" asked the vet.

"Yes, I did," the farmer said, "How did you know?"

The vet replied, "My wife is from Missouri."