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Thursday, May 5, 2016

My bucket must have a hole in it

Thursday, January 3, 2013

If you're reading this issue of the newspaper, the Mayans' calculations were obviously a bit off. I'll finish the column under the assumption the Areawide papers will have many more deadlines before the Mayans actually get one right.

There was not a super volcano exploding. I did, however, purposefully stayed away from Yellowstone Park over the holidays. There was no great flood. And there was no alien invasion, although I saw a couple of people at Walmart that, well, could not have been from my home planet.

Therefore, it's time to move forward with some things that I still need to check off on my bucket list before my own calendar runs out.

Friends often share their bucket list ideas. I couldn't agree less with some of them. Skydiving is neither on my list nor has it ever been on my list. I don't know if it's the bad knees and worrying about the how they'll handle the final part of the actual event, but I do know that it's not the jumping from the plane that petrifies me. It's the landing and how I would be arriving back to earth. Tell me I have no other choice to survive and I'll be the first one jumping. Until then, I'll take my chances darting in and out of traffic with people more concerned about their cell phones than oncoming traffic.

A couple of years ago, I was writing a feature on the state's longest zip line near Combs, Ark. I had taken dozens of pictures of a church group taking turns riding across 1,050-foot line, high above the ground. It looked safe enough, but when the man running the zip line asked how much I weighed, I knew where he was headed. I beat him to the question, asking him what was the weight limit. When he told me, I miraculously added about seven pounds. That's the only time I can ever recall wanting to weigh more. Besides, I had a rather large breakfast that day, and were my scales or his perhaps just a tad off. Hanging a tree level was not a place to find out, so I passed.

Fly a plane. There are people who have trained long and hard to do such a thing. Starting now, I'd never catch up and when I'm that high in the air, I want an expert at the controls.

Bungee jump. See above regarding knees and weight limit. Does anyone actually know the longevity of a bungee cord? I know that after a rubber band sits inside of my desk's drawer for a long time, it rots and breaks. No, not bungee jumping... ever.

Cliff dive. I'll leave that for the birds.

Get a close-up view of marine life from inside a shark tank? Those gaps in the tank seem a bit too wide for my comfort. No thanks.

Take a road trip with friends. Sounds nice, but now that we're older and set in our ways, I'm afraid we wouldn't be friends after a few hundred miles.

Come to think of it, other than visiting some old friends, I guess I don't have very much inside of my bucket. Easier to carry that way.